My Rant
by disgruntled female
Summary: Hey guys! This is basically just what I want to write about Twilight in general. Also, info about my upcoming stories!
1. Hi I like you already

A/N Hey all! This is basically my rant page, so if you have anything specific you want me to talk about, just let me know!

First off, I want to know WHAT THE HELL IS AN OOC?? I've been reading fanfiction for quite a while now and I have no clue what you all are talking about! The whole slang thing is way over my head. You guys are speaking a whole other language! No habla espanol, people! Okay, maybe I do, but that's not the point. So anyone fluent in the fanfiction lingo, could you clue me in?

Also, could you please, for the sake of my sanity, not use msn slang when writing a story? I mean, sure, it's great when you want to have a conversation with someone, but not so great when you want to read something for fun. I'm not really saying not to do it, but could you at least warn us before you do?

Right, well, where I am, it's really late and I have school in the morning, so I'd best be off. I did have lots more to say, but I'm too tired at the moment. I know, it's really very short, but I was so excited that my account finally let me put up document after an excrutiating forty eight hour long wait that I HAD to put _something_ up.

Right, well, I hope that, in the near future, you read my story that I'm very proud of so far. I think it's an original enough idea. I haven't seen any other with the same plot, so I hope you like it!

Title: Hell Hath No Fury

Summary: Edward thought she was sent by the devil to punish him for his sins. He has no idea.


	2. Reviews

Hola muchachos!

First of all, thanks a bunch to wolfgirl121 for telling me what OOC means. Now I feel like an idiot.

Anyway, today's topic is going to be reviews. I'm sorry if you read the first chapter and wanted to review but couldn't because of that stupid "no anonymous review" thing. I always hate that. People are always asking for reviews and stuff, but when you actually do want to review and you either don't have an accout or are to lazy to login like I am, and you have that thing on there, to me it's like, if you... I don't know, are in class or something and you ask for help and then somebody offers and you say, "No. I don't want_ your_ help. I don't like you." It's kind of a slap in the face. Lots of people will actually have constructive critisism, which, as we all know, totally kicks ass, but they can't let you know what it is if you don't let them.

If you are like me, though, and don't realize that you actually have to click something to deactivate that moronic review nazi, all you have to do is click login, and on the left, there is a thing that says 'Reviews'. Click on that and level with the word 'Account', it has four words. Click on 'Anonymous' and it will say 'Anonymous Review: Disabled'. Beside that is a button that says 'Enable'. Click on that and you're set!

I know that there are people out there that don't want anonymous reviews because of viruses and stuff, and that's fine, but if you say 'Please R&R' maybe clue us in by saying 'Please R&R, but only if you are logged in. And if you're not, log in. And if you don't have an account, get one. Then login. Then review.'

Alright, you don't have to phrase it quite like that, but, I'm sure you get the gyste of it.

Another thing that's been annoying me quite a bit, is so called 'Saving Fanfiction' if that is your real name. I've heard of a couple of your reviews, and frankly, I'm appalled. Not only are you taking it _way_ too seriously, fanfiction is _fiction_ written by_ fans._ You can't expect them to be completely in caracter. That's what it means by OOC. _Out Of Character. _(Thanks again wolfgirl121) It's just a fun passtime for a lot of people, so don't get your panties in a twist. You're making it sound like the Cullens would be insulted to be portrayed like that. I hate to break it to you (and all you other overly hopeful Edward/Jacob/Emmett/Jasper/Carlisle/Bella/Rosalie/Alice/Esme/other fans) but these character **ARE NOT REAL!! **They are the brilliant mind children of the fabulous Stephanie Meyer. May we all only hope to be as great of autors as she is.

Yes, you are entitled to your own opinion, but lighten up. This is for creative purposes only. For FUN. If you actually do read this, which I doubt, take my advice and give the authors some sort of information they can actually _use_. It's called constructive critisism for a reason.

Now to all you non-reviewers out there. I understand that you don't always want to review. Maybe it's too late at night, maybe you've got to be somewhere, maybe you've got nothing to say, but every once in a while, you'll read a story that you think is amazing and still you'll ignore that lonely little gray button that says 'Review'. All it wants is a little bit of love. Trust me, it only takes a minute to say, "Wow, this story is great. Keep it up." Probably even faster if you type quicker than I do, which is likely. It means a lot to the people who work hard on the stories that they come up with. I'm not saying you have to do it for every one you read, just once in a blue moon. You never know. You might have a knack for being a critic. If you don't review, you might have passed up on a great career opportunity.

And sorry if there was a mix up last time. I know I didn't word it proporly, but the story I'm writing isn't up yet. It's still in the idea phase, and I have exams comming up so I won't have much time to work on it. Not to mention, it takes forever for me to write a page, let alone a whole chapter. I just wanted feedback on the idea. I'll go into more detail next time if you want, but let me know if you do. I don't want to ramble on if nobody cares. Oh wait, that's what I'm doing!

Right, well, I wouldn't expect much of a story from me for a while. It took me half an hour to write just this! And this is just me typing whatever comes to mind. For me, writing a story isn't like that. I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to my stories. The words have to be just right.

This is where I leave you. But before I go, has anyone read Stephanie Meyer's new book? I want to know what it's like before I buy it. And if it's total crap (which I'm sure it won't be) be brutally honest. I don't want to waste my money when I could be saving it for Breaking Dawn.

Love you all.

disgruntled female

P.S. Obviously I don't know how to add chapters. Help?


	3. Adding stories or chapters

Okay! Well. Thank you so very very much to Lovely hellish Princess and amobutterfly25 for telling me how to get chapters posted. As you can tell, it helped a lot.

And to answer the question of Rochelle406, what you have to do to create your own story on fanfiction, well, I'll tell you in these quick and easy steps:

Step 1: Write a chapter.

Step 2: Type it up on Word, or WordPad, or the sort.

Step 3: Save it.

Step 4: Go to .

Step 5: Login to your account.

Step 6: On the left, underneath your usename, there is a list of words. Click on 'Documents'.

Step 7: There's a box that says 'Upload New Document'. Beside where it says 'Label', in that box, type in the name of your story.

Step 8: Below that, it says 'File on computer'. Press on the button that says 'Browse' and find your chapter.

Step 9: Make sure the 'Format' is Story. Then click on 'Submit Document'

Step 10: Go to 'Stories'. At the top, it says 'New Story'. Click on that.

Step 11: Select your category. So in your case, 'Books', then 'Twilight'.

Step 12: Fill in the page and click 'Submit Story'.

And that's how you can add your story.

For those like me, who don't know how to add chapters, I'll tell you what my lovely reviewers told me. First you have to add that chapter to your 'Documents'. Then, you have to go to 'Stories' which is right under 'Documents' on the left. Click on the story you want to add the chapter to. Above the title, it says 'Story Edit'. Beside that, it says 'Properties' and 'Content/Chapters'. Click on the second one and it's kind of self expalnitory after that. If you don't think it is, though, and have some troubles, let me know and I'll try to help.

I hope I have been of some aid to you good people.

I know I didn't really do much acctual _ranting_ this time, but helping people is my calling. Okay, maybe not, but whatever. So if anybody has any questions, just ask me and I'll try to help. Or I'll ask some one who knows.

Love,

disgruntled female


	4. Holy bucktoothed mammal, Batman!

Hola muchachos. I know I haven't written in a while, but exams are ca-ray-zay. But they're over now, thank all that is good in the word.

I know nobody really cares whether or not I add anymore to this so called 'story', but I have a couple more questions about the fanfiction lingo everybody but me seems to know. Like, what the hell is a lemon? I mean, I realize of course that it is a citrus, acidic fruit, but what has that got to do with Twilight? And what's an AU? Does it stand for 'Awesomely Unique' or is it a tribute to sombody's late 'Aunt Ursela'? Hmmm... I'll have to ponder that for a while...

Anyway, I know I've said that I was writing a story, and I am, but I have a very short attention span, and am also very busy. So, honestly, don't expect anything interesting from me for a while.

Sparkly, magical, happy, random change in subject time!!

If anybody out there wants to get in my good graces, write more about Jasper in your stories. I'm not saying to make him the main character or anything, but he always seems to get the short end of the stick, and he's my favorite! A best friend, or something equally important would be great. Really, how can anyone not love Jasper? Sweet, sensitive blonds? They're all the rage where I come from.

Okay, not really, but I wish they were!

This was a totally bizarre update, I know, but I just saw the coolest pic on InsatiableHanner's profile that I stole (sorry!) and it was about a lemon and I just want to make sure that it's not some sort of sexual innuendo that just went totally over my head. Like this one time, I read on the internet the saying 'Save a tree; eat a beaver', and I kept saying that to my friends and laughing really hard untill somebody said that it didn't mean what I thought it meant. Yeah, I'm totally naive like that.

Alrighty then. That's all for now, folks!


	5. Pie has never tasted so sweet

Alright, I know you're thinking 'Wow, two updates in one day?' and yes, pinch yourself, you're not dreaming. But I just got so giddy because there's somebody who actually LIKES this crap of a story-type-thingy-mcbob. (Try saying that. It's loads of fun.)

OH MY GOD!!

It's like the heavens just opened up and unleashed a torrent of people that make me smile! Just as I was finished typing that second sentence, I got TWO, count them TWO, messages from fanfiction! And guess what. It was a happy reviewer!

Gah, I'm so happy right now I could combust. Or throw myself a little congratulatory party to which only my reviewers are invited.

And all you sad, sad people that haven't reviewed just stand outside in the pouring rain and watch pathetically as my new friends and I eat a big ol' slice of satisfaction pie.

Okay, I know that there is no such thing as satisfaction pie, but go with me here, will ya?

So yes, this super fun time full of crazy awesomeness is dedicated to my favorite people on the earth right now (which if you think about it is pretty sad) my reviewers, scorpio17910 and MyNameIs Rini.

Give them a round of applause!!

It's just so great to be appreciated.

And an extra thanks to scorpio17910 for telling me what a lemon is.

I still don't know what an AU is, but thanks also to MyNameIs Rini for trying to explain it to me.

I love you guys!

disgruntled female

P.S. I appologise for this, really. It's midnight here and I'm not really in my right mind.


	6. Team Edward vs Team Jacob

Hey all

Hey all.

First off, thanks to MyNameIs Rini for telling me what AU means. It's Alternate Universe. Personally, I was hoping for something a little more interesting like Applesauce Underpants or the like, but that'll do, that'll do. And thanks also to Aye Chihuahua for you're review. Love your name, by the way.

Alright, class. Today's topic is Team Edward (or Vampire) and Team Jacob (or Werewolf). Honestly, how immature can you people get? (cough) No offence.

I have actually seen people have full blown fights about this particular subject. Let me state for the record, AGAIN, that these are **fictional characters**. They aren't going to come running and award you for defending your honour by giving you a big, steamy, passionate kiss. However much we want to believe otherwise.

Sigh.

Anywho, personally, I'm all for the Bella and Edward pairing. Because that leaves Jacob for me.

TOTALLY RANDOM CHANGE IN SUBJECT TIME!!

Jacob is such a cool name.

END OF TOTALLY RANDOM CHANGE IN SUBJECT TIME!!

But for you people who put Jacob down, constantly, harshly, and unjustly, how dare you? You guys are like, Twilight racists. Jacob does have many good qualities. As does Edward, all you Edward haters out there – not that there are many.

And I will prove it to you in these super fun lists of 'Pros and Cons'.

(insert cheesy game show music here)

Contestant number one, come on down!

Edward:

Pros Cons

He's gorgeous Lots of girls are constantly staring at him

He's worldly at 108 years old He's 108 years old

He smiles really prettily He kind of wants to eat you… all the time

He's a gentleman He's a prude

He sparkles in the sun You can't go to the beach

He's a vegetarian He's not _really_ a vegetarian

And we could be at this all day.

So, contestant number two, come on down!

Jacob:

Pros Cons

He looks like he's twenty He's actually fifteen

He starts off really nice and fun Then he turns into a jerk

He's great with cars and stuff He forgets a helmet when he takes you biking

He's hot He's _literally_ hot

He's loyal He has to do whatever Sam tells him

He looks like an actual, believable person He'll probably imprint on someone

And what do you know! They both have two cons in common!

They're both way too possessive

and

THEY'RE NOT REAL!!

I really can't stress that enough.

So before you go biting somebody's head off because they root for the other team, just remember; you're fighting over nothing but words on a page. And although words are just so fricken' sweet, you really shouldn't beat up another person because of them (cough SARAH cough).

(Party noises)

I have officially had 100 hits! This makes me happy. Yes, only 4 people have actually made it to the 5th chapter, but it makes no difference to me.

I had vowed to myself that I wasn't going to turn into one of those annoying authors that go down on their knees every chapter and begs for more reviews. Nope. Wasn't going to do it…

PLEASE!! Please, please, pretty pretty pretty please!!

I hadn't realized just how great reviews were at the time! They make me feel worth something! I mean, sure, some people like pay raises or extravagant gifts; all I want is a few words out of your vocabulary. You can have them back, I swear! I won't keep them from you. Even if you wanted to say, 'Wow. This is crap', I'd take it. Really. Anything.

I'm begging you.

Love,

disgruntled female


	7. Sorry and blood book bashing

(Peeks in sheepishly)

...Hey, guys...

PLEASE DON'T SHOOT!!!!!

I come in peace, I swear.

I know it's been forever, and I mean FOREVER since I updated, but there's been a lot of crap going on in my life. Don't worry, nothing bad, just that there was a flood in my basement, and the computer got wet, so I went like, two months without a computer, then my brothers crashed the _new_ computer, and then the whole basement had to be gutted and redone because of water damage and then I went on a cruise! Which was awesome, and then the new semester started and my classes got harder, and then I had to read three books all at once on top of the two short stories I had to write plus that essay, which I still haven't done, and then there was some stuff with my mom, and then some stuff with my brother which lead to some stuff with my dad and so I kind of shut off the world by reading the ever amazing Abarat series (highly, highly recommend it), and then there was that epiphany I had about human nature, and I've started stressing hardcore about graduation, and then the new Beka Cooper book came out! And... none of those are any excuse.

I am aware that I should be boiled in hot oil for the heinous sin I have committed; the ignoring of my... twelve readers.

But then one glorious day, filled with rainbows and fairies, I received a review! A wonderful, magical review that filled me with new hope. And so I said to myself, I said, "Disgruntled female thou might be, but there are people in their homes that you know not of, that you disregard, who appreciate you." And so, good people of the fan fiction realm, I update, not speedily, not with the utmost care to the laws of grammar or spelling, but with a determined intent to amuse, and with love in my heart. Love for you all, but especially Miss Ashley. Thank you for renewing my will to write.

Right, well, on with the show.

This weeks episode will entail the topic of wannabe Twilight novels.

What is this? Honestly? I don't know if it's just the Twilight craze that has made me start to notice the abundance of vampires around, or if it's always been this way, but has anybody else seen the the ridiculous amount of bloodsucker books? I love them as much as the next girl, don't get me wrong, but when you go to the library and they have signs posted everywhere for the new vampire books they have in, or McNally has a **whole section** on their website dedicated to vamps, or you have to look hard at Chapters for a _non-_fanged novel instead of the other way around, things have gotten to drastic levels of crazy.

What happened to fairies, huh? And I sure bet Harry's getting lonely being the only wizard out there for miles. I know vampires are _a la mode _right now, but give me a break. If anybody ever feels like reading a book nowadays, it's all vampires, werewolves, or those cheesy lovey-dovey 'novels' that are supposed to be realistic, but you can totally tell that they're just modernized Disney movies. It's like nobody can come up with their own ideas anymore. Where's the originality, guys? It's obviously not being spent in the movie business. Have you heard about the G.I. Joe movie coming out? I just about cried, either from mirth or the fact that I lost all faith in the artistic abilities of humans.

It's as if some doctor snuck into everybody's houses at night, like a twisted, sadistic version of Santa Clause, and extracted all of the creative bones he could find; and we slept on, completely unaware and stupidly content with the literary and theatrical carnage going on before us. The fact that we allow these... these cannibals to jump on the carcasses of any idea not entirely stripped of meat disgusts me.

If you feel about this as strongly as I do, or you think I'm just letting out the little emo in me that hates any conformity, let me know.

And, on that note, I bid adieu.

Till next time,

disgruntled female

P.S. I am going to update my story... sometime... maybe...


End file.
